Practicing self love right now for me, is practicing Patience and releasing expectation. And ultimately - Surrender. Three things I've been embracing as my chapter unfolds as a mamma to my new baby girl. She's my third child. But it has been ten years since I had my last newborn. This experience for me is completely different. I'm completely different. And I've learnt to honor myself and my baby before considering others this time round. I used to be a people pleaser, and often exhausted my energy doing so. Which didn't leave me with as much to offer my babies or myself. I've stopped that. I love to serve, but when I do so, it's out of love and my desire to do so. Because obligated giving is empty giving, there is no good loving energy that goes with it, so nothing is received back either.
I'm gentle with myself. And I don't place any expectations or pressure on myself to do stuff. And that's not always easy, that's where surrender comes in. I'm not usually out of my pjs till late morning, sometimes noon. And I didn't vaccuum my house for two weeks after bubs was born - and was totally cool with it. I can vaccuum any time, but starring at my newborn baby in my arms is a temporary pleasure that I chose to enjoy rather than miss out on, by filling my day with other stuff. Plus anyone visiting comes to see me and my baby, not rate me on my housework skills. I also chose to keep her all to myself and my family for a couple of weeks, as it was, me and my two big kids all wanted to cuddle her at the same time, we weren't ready to share her. We just wanted to be present with her, to stare at her, laugh at her sleepy expressions and little noises and enjoy the gushing feeling of love that overwhelmed us. It was a beautiful bonding time in our bliss bubble.
I tell myself regularly that I'm totally nailing this whole mamma thing. Because it feels good to hear it. I need to hear it because not every day is easy, some days nothing gets done, my day is totally consumed by bubba's needs. But, I look at her, she's well fed, content and loved. What else really matters right now? And I am doing my best, and as I tell my kids, 'your best is always good enough'. When I was pregnant and scared of how I would do this single mamma thing, I constantly reminded myself, that all I have to do is surround this baby with love. There are no rules, and no one to answer to except myself. And when I remind myself of this, it makes me smile because loving this baby is the easiest thing in the world. I've never been more in love. And isn't that what we all desire? To love and be loved? To give and receive. It's the most joyous part of my new baby chapter. And to see my two big kids experiencing the same love with her, makes me feel like shedding a few happy tears. It's truly beautiful. So my lesson learned, have faith that everything is as it's meant to be, and trust in love. It worked for me.
I want to encourage other mammas to check in with themselves, and their bubbas, embrace baby led parenting. When we allow our days to be guided by our babies rather than trying to fit our baby into our routine, life is much simpler. Remember every stage is temporary. Looking at my big kids reminds me of this. One day I'll get a good nights sleep again, until then, I'll follow my babies sleep routine and sleep when I need to. And accept help from others. Let people do your housework if they offer, let them make u a cup of tea when they visit and say yes to meal drop offs. I've been extremely grateful and blessed to have my close friends, my parents and my bubbas Nana helping me out while I gently assemble my life with my beautiful baby. It takes the pressure off me and gives me more time with my kiddies. I used to struggle with accepting help - thank goodness I've surrendered to it now! You don't need to prove yourself to anyone, that's self sabotage. Self love is accepting where you are at and having faith in what will be. I know I'll make it out of my pj's earlier in the near future, but it really doesn't matter when as long as my family is loved and content, and I'm still loved up and smiling, then I'm winning!
So a reminder to the divine mammas: This is your time, with your baby. The only person that can take that away from you, is you.
Sending love and blessings to all the divine mamma's xx