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Expectations!

September 19, 2017

Kia Ora friends,

 

Mmmm it has been a yummy month so far!! We had two dreamy events at the start of the month - thanks so much to many of you who came along to one or both of our Loving Vibes Gathering events in Auckland or Mangawhai with Matiu Te Huki, Jules Bright, Myself and Friends. I have to say, that my very favorite time ever on stage, was at the Auckland Loving Vibes. It felt so magical, just like the best dream ever! It was so moving that tears were rolling down my cheeks as we all sang together. The feeling was indescribable, I'm so grateful! And to share the stage with my Soul Family... ahhh so blessed :-) 

 

I've been loving my mamma days, and they are just getting even better... more smiles (from both of us!), giggles, singing, dancing and good old silliness. Amala Grace brings me so much joy! She is still joining me each Sunday as I lead kirtan, and comes to all my events (with her bubba ear muffs). I've been so lucky, having a really supportive circle of sisters on my single Mamma journey - Aunty Sammy Dear (as we love to call her) snuggled Amala while I was on stage during the cacao ceremonies and my mantra sets over the weekend at our events. I'm so grateful to be sharing this magical musical journey with my wee earth angel and my soul family. I'll add a pic of my little sweetie at the bottom of this love-letter! 

 

And there is always something next...! Next up is our Full Moon Celebration on the 6th October in Mangawhai. Cacao... Singing Mantras... Guided Drum Circle & Tribal Dancing. I'll add more info about it after the blog below.

 

This month I felt the urge to write about Expectations. I used to be really hard on myself, and have high expectations of others (I was no doubt projecting). I notice now that I have become much more gentle and less attached to outcome. I was thinking about this... and the blog below was born...

 

 

Latest Blog - Expectations

 

Why do we expect certain outcomes, and expect to be treated in a certain way? Why do we expect so much of ourselves and of others? What makes us create expectations? And do we even want them met or would that ruin the drama?

 

I don't know many of the answers to these questions I ponder. But I do know through experience that anything that makes us want to close our hearts or keep them closed, doesn't serve us. We are at our happiest when our hearts are open. When we feel hurt, it's because we are closing our hearts, or losing the battle to keep them open. Fear is the needle that stitches our hearts closed. Love is what bursts it wide open.

 

Are expectations just a way of us trying to control situations, circumstances and people? Expectations are derived from a place of fear. Fear loves to control, and fear loves the drama that unravels when expectations aren't met. It's fuel for its fire, it stokes the ego (of which is fears favourite coat), gathering proof that our ego is protecting us.... when really it is setting us up for a round or two of inner turmoil.

 

Often when we are hurt, it's because our expectations weren't met. What if we didn't expect anything of anyone? What if we gave without expectation of anything in return? This is the meaning of true giving. There is no energy exchange when we give with expectation of something in return. Often our expectations are unrealistic or the person we are expecting something of or from, doesn't know what is expected - yet we judge them for not delivering anyway.

 

Why do we get disappointed or hurt, why do we feel let down? Because the person, people or circumstances didn't play out the role in our very own 'movie of me' that we had written for them. And why? Because they were too busy playing their own part in their own 'movie of me'. It's the same movie we play our parts in every day. We write the role of another and cast them into our play, and then expect them to deliver an outstanding performance in a movie that they often didn't even know they'd auditioned for. Some days our lives are a drama, some days a comedy, adventure, action... you get the drift. On different days we may enjoy a comedy more than others. We all have different taste in genres depending on where we are at and how we are feeling. It's great when we are aligned with others, but it's not always possible.

 

We forget sometimes that just because things don't turn out the way we expect - that they've still turned out how they were meant to. I know I often speak about having faith in what is, because I think we need reminding of the tools that serve us. What a relief it is to surrender to what is! To have faith that what is, is what is meant to be. It's a choice we make with love - not fear.

 

How much ego is involved in expectation? How much love is involved? I'm asking because sometimes thinking about our own answers to these questions help us to create a new perspective on these things. I think sometimes we expect to be treated in a certain way. And we can justify that - e.g. To be respected. And while that's great, that we know we deserve respect, it's also important to remember that if we don't receive it, that it's not about us. It's often a reflection of what is going on for the other person involved. We never really know what's going on for someone else, and that's where instead of expectation, or disappointment, we can introduce compassion or understanding.

 

The more we practice this or remind ourselves of this, the more we see deeper into a situation. And instead of punishing ourselves or others, we have an opportunity to help or learn. Be the change you wish to see in the world. I love that saying. I love that doing too! Be the change, lead by example. What we create for ourselves ripples out and inspires others. Don't expect it, just live it. When we love ourselves unconditionally, we love with acceptance, without expectation. Once we learn to love ourselves in this way, we can naturally love others unconditionally also. We still need to reach for the stars, but we can be gentle with ourselves on the journey to embracing them.

 

I believe the most important thing is to be conscious of what drives our expectations - it's either love or fear. Being conscious of this is an incredibly powerful tool and helps shape our perspective on/in a situation. Expectations often set us up to feel bad. So try ditching them! Especially of yourself. Consciously Embrace gentleness, embrace compassion...instead of expectation - and feel the difference within.

 

Exercise: I think self-expectation is also self-sabotage. We forget to be gentle with ourselves, beating ourselves up for things that didn't turn out the way we had hoped. The self talk that accompanies this is so damaging. When we tell ourselves something negative, it makes an imprint, it creates a thought pattern - especially when it is repeated. The good news is - the same thing happens when you introduce something positive into your thought patterns. This is a tool we can use to help us rewire our brains from fear based/self-sabotaging thoughts to love based/self-loving thoughts. And it's simple.

 

You can be anywhere doing whatever and be creating positive self-talk. All it takes is mindfulness. Ask yourself now - do I have any repetitive self-sabotaging thoughts? If yes - identify them, write them down. Then beside each one write a new positive thought (mantra) to replace it. For example, a common one: I'm too fat or I look fat - could be replaced with: thank you body for serving me, I love you. And when you write this, really dive deep into it. E.g. Think about what your body has done and does for you. Thank it for growing and nourishing your children. Thank it for walking you around all day etc. Give gratitude and make a promise that you will love yourself, your body unconditionally, that you will nourish your body best that you can. You can say sorry, for any negative thoughts or actions that you have inflicted on your body, reminding yourself with forgiveness that it is now in the past. Today is a new day, and what we do today matters most. Then each time you say your mantra, you're reminding yourself of all of this - summed up into one mantra. The more you say it, the more powerful it becomes.

 

It works in way that instead of replacing the negative thought habit, we simply pay the negative habit less and less attention until it disappears. It's like having two plants, if you pay attention/water the positive plant, it will grow and blossom. If you pay no attention/starve the negative plant, it will surely wither and die. When you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself - simply catch it and throw it back, and tell yourself 'Nah, I don't believe that' followed by a new positive thought to counteract the negative. And just tell yourself constantly how amazing you are, and how much you love yourself. Even if you don't believe it yet - because it's true. And once you start believing it, unlimited joy will flow in all areas of your life. It's a mindful practice, it's a self-loving practice and it's a lifestyle. And it feels really good!! I'll leave you with one of my fave quotes:

Be careful of your self talk, the universe is listening....💜

 

 

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