Kia ora Family!!
Another yummy month has passed since my last blog/love-letter. We had a beautiful Full Moon Ceremony at The Gaya Tree at the start of the month.It was a magical musical co-creation with Chewy Wilson and Rod Red joining us with an array of instruments and expertise. We enjoyed cacao together as we shared in a musical heart opening journey throughout the night, then danced and drummed up a storm with Chewy and Rod leading the drum circle. Magic.
I lead kirtan in Titirangi at Soul Centre on the weekend. It was certainly a practice of surrender as my sweet wee baby displayed her excellent set of lungs and had a bit of a scream. Thankfully I was in a loving environment that didn't mind me stepping out for 10 mins to snuggle her to sleep. Chewy and Kiri to the rescue... leading an impromptu but very heart warming mantra. Phew. Then bubs went to sleep... and I was taken on a mantra magic journey of the heart as I sang with a choir of angels.. ahhhhh :-)
And now for Octobers Love-Letter blog….. xx
Latest Blog - Communication:
I’ve been consciously exploring something lately. I like to call it: Super open and honest communication. ‘Open’ to me, means Heart-Open; and Honest, means Transparent & Authentic. And Super means doing my very best at this!
I grew up pretty Aloof. Expressing my true feelings was pretty uncommon and I’ve always been a people pleaser, often to my detriment. Over the last few years I’ve improved with this as I’ve become comfortable in my own skin. Part of self-love for me is honoring myself by being honest when things don’t serve me - which means sometimes communication with another is required. It’s been a challenging part of learning on my journey because when it comes to communicating the hard stuff, it has always been outside my comfort zone. But, I’m really trying and I’m feeling pretty good about it :-).
We all communicate, just to varying levels of open and honest-ness! So, I’ve been trying my very best at adding the Super bit. God it feels good!! You know that saying ‘Get it off your chest’. That kinda resonates with me when I use communication as a tool. It is such a mindful practice because it stops things going round and round in your head! It opens the door up and lets the turmoil out of the room (or sometimes prison) that is your mind. Because you know if you don’t open up that door… it just keeps pacing the room until you do.
I have varying levels of this in my relationships with people (not just intimate - although these are usually the most challenging for me). It is something that I really appreciate in a relationship, and in an intimate relationship, I believe it is especially essential. You know when some people just aren’t up for those conversations you so desperately want to have. Or you try to have those conversations and you are met with resistance. I think it is because there is a time and a place for super open and honest communication.
One way to have super open and honest communication with someone, is to ask them first if it is okay. They may not be in the right space at that moment, but you can organise a time that suits you both to open up and communicate honestly. It’s important for all involved to feel like they are in a safe space to open up, otherwise it will reduce the potential heart open honesty. Communicating with gentle honesty is very liberating. It promotes clarity, forgiveness and healing. What a beautiful practice. It certainly has been for me. On so many levels.
The time and space in which and when you choose to practice open and honest communication is an essential ingredient to the successful baking of your communication cake. If communication is required after an argument or any form of heated event, wait. A day or so if need be. When we are angry, frustrated etc we are coming from a place of fear, and often ego is busy doing it’s thing to ensure we are right and justified in our actions and argument - in our own minds. Once we have a chance to cool down, some of this melts away naturally and creates space for a new perspective, and makes us a little more receptive to hearing what another has to say with out defensiveness or other ego-protecting emotions and actions. Waiting is so essential, yet often hard to do, because we just want to get it over with! But if one or both of you aren’t in the right space for the conversation, it may not go as well as it has the potential to.
It is important to me to step back and observe the situation before diving in. This doesn’t mean I write a speech or try to structure the discussion (as it is meant to be a two way thing!), but it does help with direction as it gives me an opportunity to have a discussion with myself first. I often ask myself - what do I want? or what is triggering my response - is it really about what I think it’s about or is it something that has been uncovered from the past that I need to deal with/be honest about? And is this actually anything to do with the other person involved or am I just projecting? I think it helps to be super open and honest with yourself first. Questions like this help us do our own work, challenging us to step up. An opportunity to learn. Ask yourself ‘How can I love you best in this situation?’ and listen.
One of my real life examples of waiting till things cool down, is when one of my kids packed a sad with me one morning when they didn’t get their way. I didn’t try to resolve it, I just let them know I loved them as they went out the door. They went off to school, came home, and apologised to me. We had a short productive discussion/reflection of the morning situation. Something they couldn’t do that morning, but with space, they got perspective, their heart managed to override their ego and tah-dah… hugs all round. This is an easy one.. but still a relevant real life example of how with space, we can get perspective and be in a better space to communicate.
I also believe, that although it can help with perspective, talking to others about a situation that involves someone else, isn’t always enough to let it go. Talking to that person - whether you get what you need or not, might be the only real way to achieve peace of mind. Otherwise that conversation is always looming, an elephant in the room, it’s always somewhere there in the future and you can’t move past a hurdle that you haven’t reached yet. Have the conversation, despite of outcome, in the best possible mindful circumstances, then give yourself permission to let it go. And tell yourself well done for doing something that you either felt uncomfortable about, or were scared shitless of doing!
What is essential when practicing Super open and honest communication: Leave your ego at the door. Ego is a closer, your heart is an opener. This is really really essential, because ego brings defensiveness, resistance and insecurities with it. Anything ego related has serious potential to create a block in the energy flow between you and create more fear based reactions. Come from a place of love, while honoring yourself with transparent authenticity. Be gentle, be kind, dont be afraid to pause, be your beautiful self, and breathe.
Mantras to assist: I accept what is, I let go of what was, and I have faith in what will be
And: I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you
Wishing you lots of Super Honest and Open Communication! 💜