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Balance

November 18, 2017

Kia ora Family!!

 

November is here :-) Which means summer loving is nearly here... I can taste it's yumminess already! I've got lots of exciting things going on over summer, festivals, events, travel...adventures!!!! 

 

This month I'm singing mantras at Matiu & Friends #5 at the Vegan Whare, Langholm. I'm super looking forward to catching up and singing with everyone and then dancing the night away.. it's always a goodie. Let me know if you are interested in coming along and I can send you a facebook invite/ticket link. 

 

I'm joining forces with Chewy Wilson on 9th December for a Kirtan at Kauri House. Chewy and I have collaborated a few times together this year, and love co-creating singing mantras with his phenomenal array of instruments! My fave being the didgeridoo. Something magical happens when Chewy and his didgeridoo join the party :-) Everybody is welcome - we have made the ticket price $10/koha so everyone can afford to join us. 

 

The importance of balance is something I've always been aware of, but even more so since I became Amala Grace's Mamma. Some days I definitely feel better at it than others.....This months blog... Balance!! 

 

Balance. You challenge me so! I find it really easy to fill my every minute with stuff. And most of it is really good stuff - but sometimes even when it's good stuff, we need to check in with ourselves to see if it's going to tip the invisible scales. We need to ask ourselves if a busy life is creating a busy mind, taking us away from our moment to moment mindfulness.

 

Last year was a busy year for me. I'm not sure how many times I hopped on a plane, nationally and internationally, many! Even two weeks before bubs was born - I was singing in Bali! Most weekends were booked up. I loved it. I was in the flow and it was magical. Then Amala Grace came along. Three weeks later I sang a mantra set at Matiu and friends house party at the vegan whare. I've organized large events, lead community kirtan's, and each time couldn't wait for the next event. It's my thing, singing mantras. It's my magical medicine that I love to immerse myself in and share with others. That's all cool and exciting, but, for the last six months with Amala Grace in the mix, and also seeing someone lovely too - I’ve had to pay extra attention to: Balance. Sometimes it has been a struggle. Some days feel like the sweetest of dreams, others like I'm trying to swim in the ocean with an anchor attached to my foot.

 

I've had to really check in with myself in the last month or so to re-ground, re-connect, slow down and breathe. It's funny, because I've had a few people say to me that I'm inspiring. Which is truly lovely, but my reality is, life isn't always a box of chocolates for me - or anyone (no matter what our Instagram pictures portray!). We're all just people doing our best at what we do with what we've got (which is forever changing). I’m no different to anyone else, we are all on the same journey, just at different stations along the way, learning our lessons as we go.

 

Balance is something we all need to be mindful of along the way so we don’t de-rail!! It's been a great tester for me, having bubs, and an intimate relationship at the same time. I've got all the other stuff I had going on before bubs - mumming my two big kids, working, music, adventures etc, and now It is even more of a balancing act than before. It can be exhausting, it can be rewarding, it can be overwhelmingly beautiful, or it can make me feel desperate for a break - like a roller coaster that I can't get off of, even if I wanted to. But, on the harder days, I do have my toolbox to help me make the ride a little smoother, and on the bliss-filled days, I have my gratitude!!

 

I think my biggest challenge is dividing my energy between everyone and everything. Sometimes I feel pulled in different directions and don't get anywhere fast. Sometimes I see my son needs me, but my baby is crying and needs to be put to bed. Sometimes I'm in the middle of an intimate conversation or moment with the man I'm seeing, and my baby wakes up and needs me. Sometimes I need me, but I'm too busy giving my energy elsewhere. I definitely have moments when I feel like I've failed everyone involved (ultimately myself). And I have times when I feel like I've nailed it too. And, that's okay. I let myself feel how I feel, without judgement, just love. I comfort myself with loving words and remind myself of what I need to hear. Mostly that I'm doing my best, and that is always good enough. And if I'm having a crappy day, tomorrow is always better! And I'm not even making that up, it always is.

 

When it's a rough day, I try to get outside. Commune with mother nature, let her caress me in her loving arms, let her ground me and bring me into the moment where her beauty brings me to a space of gratitude. I remind myself of all I have to be grateful for in each moment - this in itself usually makes whatever else going on seem pretty small. It gives me perspective. I take rest. I work when my baby sleeps, so, to take rest during this time, I sit on my bed with my feet up amongst my sea of pillows. I feel a bit like royalty and it helps me ground in. I also listen to my fave mantras, which brings me into a good mindful and positive space (I.e. My heart space!).

 

I'm learning that a lot of balancing my time and energy, comes down to being present, mindful, and connecting with whoever I am with in that moment and whatever I am doing. I can spend a whole day with my baby but not have spent any time with her if I'm not present. When I'm not present I'm not connecting. When we are present, centered and connected, everything we do is more satisfying and effective - and beautiful. The time we spend with people is more fulfilling and meaningful, our love tanks are filled up and it overflows into everything else we do. I always feel better about a busy day if they have been meaningful.

 

I don’t necessarily have to tick things off my to do list to feel satisfied with my day. I consciously choose what is important to me, and make sure I’m being kind and gentle with myself also (because right now especially, I feel like I’m at full capacity). Recently I wrote a list titled: What do I want? It was great for my busy mind to get clarity on this, so I could work out what is most important to me and where I want to spend or share my energy. It really helped! These lists are a wonderful tool and great to carry around with us to reflect on (you can write it in your phone!).

 

The cool thing about mindfulness/being present, is that when you are experiencing a moment, when you are in it completely, nothing else exists. I can be giggling with my baby, dancing in the kitchen with my kids, or gazing into the eyes of my lover, and in that moment, nothing else exists except the beauty that is. Practicing mindfulness is how a busy day melts away, how it flows with effortless ease when we shift our focus from what’s next to what is right now. Bringing gratitude into each moment for the beauty, for the lessons, for all that is temporary and forever changing moment to moment. And always, having faith in what is and what will be, which ultimately comes from a deep self-love, the seed from which all things grow.

 

My windows are dirty, my lawns are long, but my kids think I'm cool and my baby loves me more than anyone else in the world. And most importantly, I love me - because it is the love I have for myself that overflows into every part of my life. At the end of the day, every day, I know that it doesn't matter how much I get done, it matters that I'm here, I'm present with my loved ones, with myself and my intentions are nothing but the best. I can't get any more hours in my day but I can use them mindfully and immerse myself in the bliss I can find in the gift of a moment with my loved ones. And I know that when I'm singing, when I'm dancing and when I'm being silly, I'm in my joy and I'm in love, with me, with each moment. I'm seeing and feeling the gift of this precious life. This is my time here on earth, I'm going to enjoy it, even if the windows are still dirty. 💜

 

 

 

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