Accountability (and a whole lotta 'f you's)
Kia ora Family :-)
August is here already... our last month of Winter.. Spring is up next and I'm so looking forward to the new blossoms blooming. I really feel like we move with the seasons, and I'm ready for my new leaves! Hibernation was great over winter, but after sharing a beautiful kirtan last weekend with a group of women, I realised how much I miss my regular mantra medicine. Spring and Summer are my busy seasons with festivals, events and retreats, and I can't wait to immerse myself in it all again.
I'm excited to share with you that Jules, Arielle and I have an afternoon of yumminess on offer on Sunday the 9th of September. These two beautiful sisters and I have a full three hours of divine heart opening offerings ready to share with you, including a Cacao Ceremony, Singing Mantras, Rituals, Sharing, Journeying and more. It will be an uplifting and inspiring afternoon together. All our sisters are invited, new friends, old friends. Ages 13 years and up (lovely opportunity to bring your teen daughters/grand daughters). For the details click the 'More info here' button above. I hope you can join us!
Latest Blog - Accountability:
Firstly, I just want to say, to anyone that takes offence when people use the 'F' curse word, I'm sorry. I don't usually use that word in my blogs... but sometimes nothing else quite fits the same!! Please forgive my potty mouth this time round and here we go..💜
Releasing expectation of others (and ourselves) avoids disappointment. True. Although where is the balance between this and holding people accountable for their actions and the consequences? I tend to let a lot go over my head with my interactions with people and in situations. But sometimes my intuition reminds me that when the time is right speaking up is a responsibility and important, this can be detrimental to maintaining or creating a healthy relationship. It can be detrimental to our own wellbeing. Holding people accountable for their actions and the consequences of those actions can bring learning and growth to all those involved. And sometimes it creates a shift in our understanding and perspective. I wrote a blog a few months back about open and honest communication, which offered tools to help hold a safe space as required for such communication. I’ve been diving deep and exploring this in as many areas and relationships in my life as possible. It feels amazing, and like anything, gets easier and feels more natural with practice (but still challenging at times!!)
It’s not our job to monitor or control other people’s behaviour. Often when we try it’s simply us projecting our own stuff, and it’s fear based. Remember people don’t want to be ‘fixed’ and who are we to try? We’ve all got our stuff that we are working with. So I’m not saying in this blog that we should get on our high horse and tell people off for things we perceive as wrong doing. But I do feel like we have a responsibility to acknowledge things that truly effect us. A tool I use to ‘choose my battles wisely’ so to speak, is to WAIT. When something is stirred within me, by a person or situation, I wait. I wait for clarity - of which I believe we don’t always have ‘in the moment’. Sometimes we do, and if so, that clarity will still be there if we wait 2 days or two weeks (there’s no set time frame). It gives everyone in any given situation a chance to reflect and clarify.
But sometimes our communications can just fall on deaf ears. If you know attempting to communicate is a waste of time (or have tried without success) (or the person is a sociopath) (or if the person has passed away or is uncontactable) a great way to say everything you need to say is in a letter. Then when you’ve said all you ever wanted to say (and read it through) BURN IT with the intention of letting it all go, surrender, allow acceptance of what is and faith in the lessons and the good things to come. The beauty of writing someone a letter but not giving it to them is that you can be blatantly honest without holding back, let it all out on paper (with as many “fuck you’s” as you like!).
I went to a healing session once when I had some pain and trauma surrounding a situation and person. The healer worked with me for a while, then made me repeat after her... ‘fuck you *name* for...’. I was a little surprised and realised it wasn’t something I’d let myself say, even though it expressed how I was feeling quite nicely!! Once I got into the swing of it, I said ‘fuck you *name* for..’ with all my might... and I felt something shift. Finally I’d let it out. The doormat had spoken!!! I had found a tool. This is one I want you to be careful using as I learnt this one under supervision - it’s not an excuse to walk round thinking ‘fuck you’ thoughts (because Lis said I could). I want you to be all grown up and responsible and follow the directions on the medicine bottle.... write a letter, burn it, and let that ‘fuck you’ go! It’s just one for the toolbox if you ever need it. And don’t get me wrong - I’m a massive fan of forgiveness, but that’s the destination, sometimes we need to express a few ‘fuck you’s’ to get us there.
We have a responsibility to ourselves to clear out anything that is lingering within because things have been left unsaid or you are/have been the subject of consequences from someone else’s actions, and you no longer want Doormat as your middle name. In a situation where there’s things left unsaid, often there remains energetic ties, and until you say what needs to be said, they can’t be severed.
For your own sake, end any chapters that haven’t been ended properly, so you can begin a new one untainted by the past. One where you feel liberated and empowered. One where your experiences are new. Often the universe send us the same stuff over and over until we choose to acknowledge it, learn from it and deal with it. Each time, it’s an opportunity to do so... so do it!
Sometimes, we just need to surrender. No good can come of any form of resentment, and holding on to hurt punishes ourselves (and sometimes overflows out to our loved ones). It never feels good. Choosing to let it go does though! It’s empowering. Saying how we feel, splattering our raw and vulnerable emotions on the table - oh baby that takes extreme courage!! Do it!! Whether it is in a letter, or in a safe space to communicate openly and honestly, do it.
I love sharing circles. If you can join one that resonates with you (and provides you with a safe space to express) then give it a go. They can be so healing and so nourishing, so supportive, and you realise - we are all on the same journey just at different destinations along the way.
So I guess, even if we can’t say what we want to say to someone that we want to say it to... I believe that energetically we can create a shift within ourselves by writing down our feelings or expressing them in a safe space where you have someone or a circle that will simply listen to you. It’s not about finding solutions, it’s about holding ourselves responsible for not allowing others actions that impact us or our loved ones to go unaccounted for (or seemingly accepted). Because let’s face it, that doesn’t feel right. And if we don’t speak up about something that really bothers us to the core, then we suppress it. It can effect our future experiences in an unhealthy way (such as a fear-based trigger). Sometimes that suppression manifests itself in dis-ease in our body's. But it doesn’t need to. The phrase ‘getting it off your chest’ is a pretty accurate one! Don’t weigh your heart down with stuff. Let it out and let it go. Often we don’t do this in the western world because we were taught not to.
A reminder too, that we are all just doing our best with what we’ve got. Compassion and forgiveness will always be our best friends in this life as they help us see through loving eyes with understanding and acceptance. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful healers.
We all want to be heard.
We all deserve to be heard.
And when we are... it’s incredibly empowering 💖
Be Brave my beautiful friends... Kia Kaha