Latest Blog - Programming:
Programming is a limiting belief system that isn't necessarily ours. We can be programmed and unconsciously influenced by so many different sources in this life, the programs that run the deepest are often those we've been playing out for the longest.
What programs have we got running/what limiting belief systems are we playing out? How long have they been running? Do we even know or recognize we have been programmed?! A common factor in our programming is that it's often fear-based. And the funny thing about these belief systems is that we often forget to question them. I believe it's healthy to check in with ourselves and see what programs or patterns we've got going on and if they really serve us.
Programming can create belief systems and thought patterns with certain expectations of ourselves and of others. When we have a program running, it's like a movie being played out. But if the movie doesn't go the way we expect it to, then it can cause all sorts of inner turmoil. We can be really hard on ourselves when we fail to meet expectations of ourselves or those of others when we are on autopilot, running a program of how things 'should' be. I love feeling into this stuff when it comes up. Trying to trace back to the birthplace of the programming, questioning if the belief system is really mine or one I've been programmed to run. It's so interesting! And then, asking myself how I really feel and creating new thought patterns, choosing my own belief system. Slowly rebuilding a belief system that is mine, not one that's influenced from outside myself. It's really empowering, try it!! When you catch a familiar program running, see if you can trace it back to a past experience or situation. Question it. Be kind to yourself. If you don't want it to stick around, choose and explore a new belief system, a new perception, a new thought pattern that feels good and will serve you well. 'A miracle can be a simple change in perception'.
Programming, from childhood, it happens. We get taught belief systems, we believe them. Whether from a teacher, a parent, a sibling, adverts on television, movies, the supermodel in a magazine. It happens without us even realizing because it's been happening our whole lives. And if everyone else around us is programmed the same, however that may be - then that is deemed 'normal'. That word makes me cringe!!
We also need to be aware of how social media and the movies our kids are watching are tainting their reality. Like for me as a child: JAWS. Why?!! Why did they have to make that movie?! seriously. That movie totally ruined my ocean swimming experience for many years, and created a fear based belief system about sharks. It was a hard one for me to change. It's a simple example but shows the impact a single movie can have on any of us.
Fear based programming squashes our self expression. We are taught consequence in the name of punishment. We learn how to 'act' like a good boy or good girl. And if you don't act a certain way you won't be loved. We are taught that we need approval from others - not from ourselves!! We have a responsibility to be careful what we are setting our children up for. If we have unhealthy programs running, there's a good chance our children may run the same programs, at least for a while. Remember:
We teach by example!
I was speaking to a dear friend the other day about how we are brought up believing in a 'happily ever after' in relationships. All the fairytales have one. Most romantic movies have one. It creates a program where happily ever after is an expectation, and becomes an attachment to outcome. When we start dating someone, we start projecting into the future, micromanaging, working out the details of what will or won't work... meanwhile forgetting to be 'happily in now'. It's ok to be simply happy in this moment with someone. Often we don't allow ourselves that joy because we are afraid it won't last. We don't let ourselves get excited or 'our hopes up', we might keep our hearts closed - we are afraid of getting attached and ultimately hurt. So instead of being happy in now, we think we'll be happy later when the relationship has proven itself to be a keeper. Is there any such thing?! I thought so once. I had my happily ever after, until it wasn't. Now I realize that as we grow and evolve, reality is sometimes it's not always going to parallel with our partners journey. So when love is here, be happy now! Enjoy it, you ARE allowed. Release attachment to outcome. Love with an intimate partner is a real treat in life, and as we know, also can come with the greatest of lessons and challenges. When we have happily ever after programs running they create unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others and they create attachment to outcome.
People pleasing is another common program that so many of us have running. We do this to the detriment of our own happiness. Why? Very possibly we learned this from our parents. We were taught to be polite. We were taught not to hurt others feelings. But were we taught that's it's okay to have our own boundaries? That it's okay to say no if it doesn't feel right? That how we feel about a situation is what we should be listening to? Not always. I'm still working on the deconstruction of this programming. It's a huge one that has taken me years of work to create new thought patterns and belief systems around this. It involves so many different aspects that I have had to work on - such as open and honest communication, and self-love: does this serve me/how can I love me best in this situation. It's challenging sometimes! But it's important to me to live out my own belief system, not one that was ingrained into me as a child. The shift in perception also creates compassion for others because I see it. I see the programs running.
This is such a huge topic with so many aspects. Another aspect is that we are Desensitized so much that we don't blink an eyelid when we carry out certain acts that we as society accept as normal - even things such as using fly spray. I grew up with everyone I knew using flyspray. I used it! I had no concept of consequence because I had a program running. In my programming the bugs, spiders, flies, ants, they were my enemy, they were somehow a threat to my wellbeing. I didn't question it - for me everyone knew this, that's why we all inihalated them. Now that program isn't running, because I realized the different aspects and consequences of using fly spray. I now find it hard to believe that I never thought about the impact of this bug poison on my health and my family's health or the environment. I never treated the insects I was spraying with any respect or compassion. What an awful and unnecessary way to die. And what was I teaching my children? I was teaching them what I'd been taught, to kill them out of fear.
My 1 year old daughter saw a huge cockroach on the wall behind my head the other day. I didn't realize it was there till she squealed with delight and started waving and laughing at it. When I saw it, I went and got a glass and piece of paper and gently captured it. Amala Grace watched. We had a look at the big roach through the glass, something I do with my older kids to reduce fear of such things. He stayed still and let us admire him before we released him outside. Of course Amala Grace and I waved and wished him all the best. I felt good. Amala felt good, and the roach, well he may have been pissed that we kicked him out, but at least he was unharmed. This wasn't how I was programmed. I grew up believing cockroaches were disgusting and if they were in your house, that your house was dirty and where there was one - there was a hundred more. It took me most of my life to question the belief that we should be terrified of these things. I don't even know where this belief system came from!! Isn't it funny how that can happen. Amala Grace, her first encounter, knew what to do - smile and wave!
I have heard so many people say that they can't sing. This is a simple example of a program running. Most likely they've been told this by one or more people in their lifetime. This created a program and has no doubt been fueled by many things along the way. You only have to watch the auditions for one of those American Idol tv shows. The cruelty of the judges that is encouraged by the tv ratings is crazy. We are encouraged to sit at home watching and laughing at these people that are mocked and told they can't sing. We may even resonate with these people and that makes us feel worse about our voices. It certainly doesn't encourage us to sing if we are already insecure about how we sound. But what about if we ask ourselves this: do I like to sing? How does it make me feel if I sing when I'm in a safe space (like the car)? Do I need to have a voice like the dude that won American Idol to enjoy singing? What happens when I sing? This one is important. Singing is literally medicine. It is heart opening, an emotional unblocking, creative release, an outlet where we can channel our energy. It's beautiful. It works. It's a gift and a wonderful, simple and powerful tool.
We are responsible for our own belief systems. It's our choice to keep a program running once we recognize it. Our thoughts create our actions and our actions create our reality. I want to choose my belief system. I want it to align and reflect my higher self. I choose to listen to my intuition and to love myself. I choose these things. But before I chose these things, I had to undo the programs that had been running since my childhood. The ones that told me to follow the rules not my intuition. That told me I had to act a certain way and wear different hats for different occasions to achieve approval, to be validated, to be loved. That taught me to be a people pleaser at my own detriment. I choose to say no to self sabotage, I choose to say yes to self love. I choose to feel, to see, to hear and experience the magic in this life, this world. I choose love over fear. These are my choices to make. What do you choose? Each day is a new day.... and what you do today matters most 💜