Crying Takes Courage ~ It's Not a Weakness
Kia ora friends!
I can't believe it's nearly Xmas ~ and 2018 is coming to an end. I know it is a busy time for many of us, but it is important that we honour this transition between 2018 ~ 2019. It is an opportunity for us to reflect on what we learned in 2018 and set new intentions for our new chapter in 2019. I always get excited at the thought of the magic and mystery that is waiting for me as I step into the unknown. It's where I get to explore and adventure as my dreams transform into my reality. If you could be and do anything you wanted in 2019 ~ what would your year look like? There is magic in manifestation...Plant those seeds so they can bloom!!
2018 has been good to me. I've certainly had my fair share of 'opportunities to learn from'. I've experienced complete blissfulness and I've totally lost my shit, and everything so it seemed in between. And I survived all of it! I'm feeling like a champion. I think the hardest thing for me this year (for the second year running) was doing the solo parent thing. It has certainly pushed me far beyond what I perceived were my limits. What was easy for me though, was loving myself through it all. I'm proud of myself, proud of where I am, who I am, and what I have to offer. And that's a really great feeling. Boom!!!!
2019 is going to be a goodie :-) I'm excited when I say ~ It feels like it will be a year of adventuring! Jules, Matiu and I are offering a bliss-filled Retreat in Bali in April. We've been planning this for more than a year and it's going to be phenomenal. We've lovingly crafted a unique six day programme together.... oh it's so delicious!!! A beautiful balance of work and play. We have two specials running at the moment (one for couples and one for singles) ~ but can only offer two rooms for each special (heavily discounted) Offers valid for two weeks unless sold out prior. All information on our retreat is here: www.myabundantlove.com
Big love to you all as we transition from our 2018 chapter into 2019!! May we be blessed with an abundance of love, laughter, good health and adventures!
Crying Takes Courage ~ It's Not a Weakness
This goes out with love to all the men who wear their hearts on their sleeves. I want to acknowledge how hard it can be sometimes for you to do this, and to celebrate your beautiful vulnerability.
When I picked up my 12 year old son from school a few days ago I knew something was going on for him. I asked him gently how his day was. He started to cry. I encouraged him to let it out, knowing he’d been holding it all in until that moment. I held his hand on the way home and said to him, cry as much as you need to, and then when you are ready, we can talk about it.
When we got home we snuggled up on the couch. I held him in my arms and began the conversation by sharing how I felt at that moment. I told him with honesty that I was grateful to have such a gentle hearted, sensitive, loving and compassionate son. I told him how I felt lucky that he felt safe to cry in front of me. And I told him I hoped he would always embrace his beautiful sensitivity, and never try to hide it or think he has to act in any way different. His vulnerability was beautiful to me.
He told me about what was going on for him. He was crying out of compassion for people close to him going through a tough time.
We discussed it. We discussed how hard it is to watch people you love in a situation you want to save them from, but can’t. I told him the best thing he can do is not try to find a solution for them, but to just keep loving them and accepting them unconditionally. Love is so powerful.
We talked about how we are born crying, it’s natural and we are supposed to cry when we feel like it! But at some stage in life we seem to be taught that it’s not ok. To ‘be brave’ as to not upset others or to make yourself look weak. I told him how courageous it is to cry. It’s not a weakness! Vulnerability takes incredible courage.
I’ve become increasingly aware of my sons empathetic nature. I watch him with animals and how he’s so loving with them. He’s the only one in our family that searches out our dog every time he leaves the house to give her a hug goodbye, and greets her with the same on his return. He’s always been the sweetest of boys, openly full of love and affection for me - even in front of his school peers.
He’s always been so sensitive to words - tears are always just below the surface if something said hurts his feelings. And it’s such a genuine, heart melting thing to see. And to be honest, I’ve always worried that the big bad world will beat it out of him, teach him to suppress his heartfelt emotions and to ‘man up’ so to speak. It’s such a relief that in the last few years I have become friends with a few men with the same gentle, compassionate and empathetic qualities. It’s beautiful for my son to meet these men and know it’s something to be proud of, not hidden away under a mask of so-called bravery.
Thankfully, my father is a lovingly gentle and sensitive man. I’ve seen him cry with love, sadness and pride. I see his lip quiver sometimes when he expresses his heartfelt love for me. I see that same lip-quiver with my son. Growing up I always felt so lucky that I had a father who openly expressed how much he loves me. Big, long, warm hugs. Sometimes tears. And funnily enough, I always thought my Dad was different to my friends fathers because I never saw these qualities in any other adult men - and I feel that maybe it’s a generational thing. I wanted to marry my Dad for all the right reasons ;-).
I’ve often watched in awe as children express themselves without holding back. And because they release their emotions at the time of feeling them, they quickly get over it and carry on with what’s next instead of being trapped in what was.
I feel that walking the vulnerable, raw, authentic, gentle, sensitive and compassionate path is not always the easiest. I don’t feel like it is supported by the greater society, by the public school system, or by humans in general.
Women and girls also get subjected to this vulnerability being painted as a weakness. We are all born with the natural urge to express ourselves openly, in the moment. Imagine if we never stopped?! Animals are a wonderful example of this. I’ve always admired their mindfulness. For example: Two male ducks swim toward each other, have a quick ‘This is my pond F* off!’ Moment, then swim in different directions and never think about it again. Moment to moment mindfulness.
Is this something we can encourage in our everyday lives? Expressing ourselves openly? Whether it be tears or Laughter? Can we give ourselves permission to feel how we feel in any given moment, acknowledge it, knowing it’s all part of our journey?
My son and I discussed how important this is, to feel how we feel in the moment so we can move through it with grace. How important it is to have people you feel safe to express yourself around, and if you are the support person for someone else - how you need support from someone else too. We discuss how these times are only temporary, to feel them whole heartedly, but know that this too shall pass. We’ve survived everything so far, and the happy days will come again before we know it, as they always do.
Self-expression and self-love, to me mean the same thing. Practicing self-expression is practicing self-love. Can we encourage this in our relationships with others? Holding space for a loved one while they express their heartfelt emotions is a beautiful gift. Although it’s one that we do need to learn to watch and care for our own energy during (that we don’t deplete our own love tanks in the process).
When I’ve had men cry in front of me, it has never, ever appeared to me as a weakness. Every time, I’ve felt humbled by it, and connected to them through the raw intensity of it. I want to encourage this. I feel it’s important that the perception from society as it being a weakness is changed to a perception of strength. It’s a relief to see more and more men showing up and embracing this vulnerability. Thank you. The next generations are watching, and we teach by example.
Thank you to the men who are holding space for one another in men’s circles and normalising self-expression. Thank you to the men who release their tears, you’re all beautiful.
To the men who want or need to cry.... if tears need to flow, let them, knowing it’s the most natural and beautiful thing in the world to release them. Through expressing our tears in a safe space we connect deeply with ourselves and others.
This is your birth-right💜