The Most Important Relationship of Your Life
Kia ora friends!
I'm hoping this Love-Letter finds you happy and well.
I'm not long back from Queenstown's Biophilia Festival. Oh that place... The mountains were so powerful, the lake so crystal clear. I honestly felt like I was in another realm. By day three I was completely up in the clouds!! I had a love-filled time there with my beautiful daughters, we had so many laughs and found it so hard to comprehend the magic that the surrounding nature bestowed upon us during our stay there. I feel so blessed to travel to places like these and share my self-love workshops and heartfelt song and mantras at phenomenal conscious festivals such as this one.
Next week I'm off to Bali paradise with my sweet kiddies and my soul family Jules and Matiu for our Luscious Leaders of Love ~ Lavish Bali Retreat!!! I've been looking forward to this for so many months, can't believe it's nearly here :-) The retreat starts on the 1st April and we still have a couple of rooms left. If you want to join us and our lovely group of Retreat attendees at a Luxury mansion just outside Ubud... we are offering 25% off if you book with a friend (for both of you) which is a pretty sweet deal. At the moment we have one space left to share a twin room at the early bird price of $1999. Check out our Bali teaser vid and info below, registration or questions via www.myabundantlove.com (or email me directly). We have a powerfully transformative and fun-filled retreat schedule that will have us blissed out, loved up and completely re-connected with ourselves so we come home inspired, lighter, empowered and ready to enjoy the life we were born to live as our true authentic, unapologetic frickin-amazing selves.
The Most Important Relationship of Your Life 💜
Accept every aspect of yourself. When you feel angry, sad, jealous, whatever, feel it, accept it, support yourself and be gentle with yourself during this time. Ask yourself, how can I love you best right now? Or what would someone that loves themselves do? Listen to what you need, and follow through.
To heal, we have to feel. When emotions bubble up, welcome them with open arms. Treat them as a friend that’s having a bad day and needs a hug. If your friend turned up on your doorstep crying, would you say to them “sorry not now I’m busy?” Or “forget about it and get on with it” or “Stop being stupid” or any of those phrases we constantly use on ourselves which suppresses how we truly feel. What would happen if you did say that to a friend? How would they feel? Chances are they’d feel some kind of hurt and rejection right? Chances are it would impact your relationship with one another. So what do you think happens when we don’t acknowledge our own needs to express how we are feeling, when we hurt and reject ourselves? It damages our relationship with ourselves. We don’t feel loved or safe to express our needs.
What happens if when our friend shows up crying, we embrace them straight away so they feel loved and safe, then we invite them inside and listen to what has upset them. As a good friend, we can simply listen, they don’t necessarily need a solution, they don’t need fixing, they just need to know someone is on their side. They are loved, they are seen, they are held. Can you be this friend to yourself?
Can you welcome every obstacle or sticky situation with open arms and give thanks for the learning and the opportunity to heal old wounds? Because often, in my experience, the universe keeps dishing up the same lessons just dressed a little differently until we choose to learn, to do our work.
We can shift our perception on these situations that are difficult when we have the right tools in our toolbox. Self love gives us courage. We feel empowered, and better equipped to deal with the struggles that we come face to face with in life. We may even welcome them, because our hindsight has taught us that every thing we have experienced on our journey so far, delivered us to this very moment. We survived all of it. We got stronger, wiser. We learned about ourselves, we learned about our boundaries, we learned what brought us to our knees. We learned what we do and don’t want for ourselves. And from this perspective, you may want to say ‘thank you for it all’.
We have a lifetime of learning before us. What a blessing.
Focus on building a loving relationship with yourself. This is the most important relationship of your life! And this relationship will effect everything in your life. Love all of you, not just the comfortable bits, not just the pretty bits. Show yourself the compassion you would show a friend. Give yourself the time that you would give a friend. Make friends with all the parts of you that you haven’t yet. A beautiful healing mantra you can use is:
Please forgive me
I love you
Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes while you say it. Allow yourself to be seen. Say the mantra. And tell yourself You are enough exactly as you are, because it’s true.
In my relationship with myself, I feel like there’s two of us when I’m in a situation when emotions arise: there’s me the observer and me the one that’s ‘in it’. Being able to observe what’s going on and ask the one that’s ‘in it’ the right questions to help unravel what’s really going on takes practice. And I practice this a lot! For me I find it important to recognise whether my emotions are coming from a place of love or fear, otherwise known as my true self or my ego.
The thing about self love is that you don’t need to change anything. When you reconnect with your love for yourself, you naturally make better choices that support that love. You naturally feel more patient and peaceful. Your love overflows and ripples out to those around you. It changes everything. It’s a powerful weapon for a joy-filled life. But only you can do the work you need to do, to reconnect with your own love for yourself. You need to commit to yourself, and keep loving no matter what. You can do this. If you haven’t already, you can start right now. And once you find that love for yourself, there’s no going back - and that’s good news!
Be your best friend. Treat yourself with the love and selflessness you would give to a friend. Make a friend-date with yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Go for nature walks or ocean swims, spending quality uninterrupted time with yourself. Set time aside to paint a picture or whatever you are into or used to enjoy with yourself. Bake cakes... whatever! Quality time with yourself is important.
I love spending time alone, especially in nature. I think my number one struggle with being a Mumma right now is that ME time is virtually non-existent. When Amala Grace sleeps, I work. She still won’t stay with anyone else so babysitting isn’t an option. Yet! The time will come though. It’s been an interesting journey maintaining the loving relationship with myself, but because it’s a priority for me, I’ve managed to do it. A lot of my self love is self talk. It’s internal. I’m dedicated to staying connected with and supporting myself in the ways I need it most. I check in with myself constantly, especially when I feel emotions arising. I do my best to track them to the source, to pay it the attention it requires to dissolve. I find ignoring my feelings or pretending they aren’t happening creates an undercurrent that gets stronger until it pulls me under and forces me to look at what’s happening. I prefer to ride the first sign of waves rather than suppress it and get wiped out by a tsunami!!
My self love practice used to be quite extensive right up until I had my sweet baby. I had a solid early morning two hour ritual every day consisting of Ayurvedic self massage and hot shower, Yoga, Meditation, Singing and then eating a delicious made-with-love healthy breakfast on my sun drenched deck listening to the birds and practicing gratitude. I won’t pretend I don’t miss those days!!!
Right now my self love practice is following Amala Grace around as she plays outside. I follow her around with my ukelele and sing mantras. The harmonium is my favourite instrument to play, but every time I try to play it, I have my wee darling wanting to play it at the same time. I knew I had to find an alternative so I could still enjoy what I love most... singing... so, I learned the ukelele. Turns out it was a brilliant move, because it’s so easy to travel with (silver lining right there!) And it allows me to practice my favourite self love practice. Yesterday I even squeezed in some yoga on the lawn while she played in a tub of water. I don’t think it’s so much the length of time we give ourselves that is important. This will vary depending on our current situation. It’s more important that we are connected with ourselves and our intuition. That we Honour ourselves the best we can in every moment by making choices from a place of love. What love can you inject into your day today? Do it!!! Ask yourself this every day!
One of the best tools I use in my toolbox is gentleness and compassion. I recognise when I need this most, and dish up as much as I need while I’m in that space. By acknowledging and supporting myself through difficult days, I naturally move through these times faster. Love dissolves fear. Fear cannot survive in a room filled with love. So keep pouring love in.
Love is the most powerful healer. Love is forgiveness, Love is mindful, Love is uplifting, Love is inspiring, Love is peaceful. Love is the most deliciously intoxicating feeling in the world. Let love be your medicine ♥️